Eight common dating myths.

I still think our biggest problem is that nobody knows what to say to each other in order to even get the date in the first place. So many gay guys (hate to say this; this is what I've seen) fit the stereotypes, and while that is fine, it doesn't mean that the rest of us are interested. Finding a gay guy who is masculine, healthy, takes care of himself, isn't a bitchy 14-year-old girl in a man's body, etc is almost impossible. From my experience, when you do find someone like this, he is either closeted, and the prospects of a lasting relationship with someone like this are going to be slim, or he has everyone else chasing after him too.
Don't get me wrong, I feel good about being gay. I just never expected that so many gay men seem to be exactly the same in terms of thought patterns, habits, tastes, mannerisms; the amount of same-ness is almost maddening! Our dating would be a lot more successful if there was a more exotic mix of men in the gay world rather than what is seen in urban (and non urban) gay America. It's as if we are all pieces of a puzzle but none of the pieces fit together...there are so many of us out there but we don't match up very well because of how strong and similar our personalities are. Too similar to be interested in each other, and too much alike to be physically attracted. Ugh.



1. Because you are shy, guys need to ask you out or make the first move.

When you want something to eat, you go out and get it. Being shy doesn't hold you back from eating and it shouldn't hold you back from dating. Don't confuse being shy with being scared of rejection -- and you are not alone in this fear.
Dating is a risk. It could work out or it couldn't. The only way to know is to give it a chance. Don't be afraid to take action. If you don't speak up, you won't get a date. If you do speak up, you now have the chance of him or her saying yes.

2. If you pay for dinner, you should get sex.

Unless you are dating an escort, sex does not come with the meal. A date is an opportunity to get to know each other and see if there is chemistry. Paying for dinner doesn't even guarantee you a second date.

3. Taking phone calls and answering text messages is OK on a date.

It is 2008 and we are all well-connected to the world. We receive phone calls, text messages, pictures, email and can surf the web all on our phones. It does not mean we are allowed to do it on a date. It is just plain rude.
You can give up all the technology for a few hours to enjoy a date and have a real conversation in person. Be respectful and present in your date; you at least owe your date that.

4. You should wait three days before you call for a second date.

Do you wait three days to tell an employer you are going to accept the job? No, because the job may not be available if you wait. It's the same thing with dating.
If you want a second date, call and plan it out. You can even mention it at the end of the first date. Simply let him know you had a good time and that you're free this weekend to hang out again. It's a lot better than spending your weekend alone because you didn't ask.

5. The top pays for dinner.

Seriously? I have heard this many times from clients and friends. I'm telling you it's not true. Your sexual position has nothing to do with who pays. Dating manners say the person who planned the date is supposed to pay. I think it is always polite to offer to pay. It's just good manners.

6. We are gay, so we should go to a gay club or gay restaurant for our date.

We are not segregated within gay boundaries on our dates. We're not even locked into the typical dinner-and-movie date. Think unconventionally when setting up your date. Why not take a cooking class together? How about going to zoo or aquarium? Not only do unconventional dates create better experiences, but they help reduce the awkwardness a candlelight dinner can cause.

7. You shouldn't have sex on the first date.

You are both adults and can choose what to do on your date. There is no proof that waiting to have sex or jumping right into bed with body paints creates successful couples. It's up to the both of you and your comfort level.
I'll just warn you: Sex on a first date does not guarantee you a second date and, as I said before, it doesn't come with a free meal.

8. Because you are both guys, you shouldn't open the door for him.

Chivalry is not dead. Regardless if you are both guys or girls, you still want to be polite and have manners. Saying "please" and "thank you," opening doors and saying "bless you" when your date sneezes are just ways to show you're a gentleman and respectful. Plus you will make Mom very proud of your behavior.
There isn't a guaranteed solution to a successful date. A major part of dating is just plain chemistry. Stop trying to play by your friends' "rules" and make your own as you go along. You know what is best for you.


I would love to hear your dating "rule" myths. Add your personal myths and why they are not true
Seriously, Cut the BUll shit, stop playing hard to get, Bottom, dont play the Bottom cards, Tops, be understanding and sensitive and dont get drunk on the phone while talking to someone you are talking to for the first goddamn time!