I blame Valentines Day……Hundreds upon Hundreds of cards all decrying YOU’RE the one. Just imagine the hundreds of hundreds of wrenching late night phone calls all over this ONE idea. And its not just with love. Its seems that we are always looking for that ONE thing to make our lives complete. That job, that chance, that family…
As I sat in my stripped pjs, and a cosmo on my side with one tear rolling down my cheek, I couldn’t help but wonder…“When will waiting for the one be over?”
We always wonder if we made the right choice in life. Should we have gone with these pink shoes for the night? Should we have gone with the green dress instead? Should we have tipped that server a little more? Should we have binged on that bar of Toblerone?
I began to think….
Why Are we always “should-ing” all overselves?
I was having just one of those moments earlier today as I sat eating my lunch all alone in my fantastic Atlanta studio flat….Did I make the right decision? YES, I DID..of course! The guy was a psycho emotional abuser…or was he? Or is it just me?
I am SO fucked up! I am SO fucked up! I always thought that when the right guy came along, all my bullshit would go away, and the words would come right out and he would be the one that stuck…He would be the one that I would dance all my dances with….
He would be the one who I would always wake up with every morning and know that I am the luckiest girl on earth, and I have obviously made the right choice…
But instead, who am I? An almost 21 year old with nothing but a bunch of failed relationships….
Its not like I don’t have suitors, or pursuers asking my hand in marriage, or even just sex….
You know why? Because as my best girl Lucky says: “You are FIERCE!”
I am someone who is looking for love. Real love, ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, cant live without each other love…
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
"Codes" and their "Decodes!"
It's no secret that the language of love isn't always the most, well, direct. That's why so many single people spend hours analyzing emails from dates trying to figure out if "I'm busy at work" is a brush-off, or wondering whether that invitation of "I'll make dinner for you" indicates a desire to share a whole lot more than a favorite garlic chicken recipe.
As I sat w/an ice-pack smooshed against my perfectly swollen face...I couldtn help but wonder...How can you suss out what someone's really trying to say? I mean How can you one really know if if he is ACTUALLY wanting to see you for another date? how can yooooooou tell him that you dont EVER want to see him again without hurting him?
Should you just tell him the honest and brutal truth? Should you lie to him and take the "high road?" or Should you ignore his calls and dodge him tell he gets the point?
Why are we always SHOULDING all over ourselves?
To help you out, I've got a bevy of eight decoded eight common lines so you'll spend less time scratching your head and more time communicating.
1. Line: "I'd love to stay out, but I have to get up really early tomorrow." What it means: "Sorry, you just aren't floating my boat."
Of course, if it's 2 a.m. or your date follows up with, "But let's get together soon—maybe this weekend?" the fact that he or she want to end the date is no big deal. But if the night is young or your date mentions an aversion to staying out late in the middle of, say, appetizers, that's not a good sign. Your date may sense there's no connection and want to exit sooner rather than later.
2. Line: "I had such a good time with you." What it means: "Wow, you're actually fun and different from all the other guys/girls!"
This sentence might sound generic, but try saying it out loud: It sounds far more intense than a mere "I had a nice night," doesn't it? "This is a way of revealing how you feel without getting too heavy."
The person is letting you know that he or she really might like you, and trying to find out if you possibly feel the same." So if the interest is mutual, let your date know by responding in kind.
3. Line: "I'm just not ready for a relationship." What it means: "I'm just not in love with you."
It's hard when someone you like tells you he or she's not in a place to seriously date anyone. But it also makes you hope that the problem is timing, not your personalities. If you can just be patient, you think, things could percolate, right? Wrong. "This means 'I don't love you, so if that's what you want, we should break up,'" Don't be fooled—when this person does meet someone who has that spark, he or she will indeed be ready for a relationship.
4. Line: "I'd love to meet up, but I'm just really busy with work right now." What it means: "I'm trying to think of a really nice way to blow you off."
Of course, this person could very well have a full schedule that week. But if he or she doesn't offer any alternative dates to hang out, what you're really being told is that this person would rather work than hang out with you. (Sorry.) "Your date very well could be busy. The question is whether your date's focusing on the problem or finding a solution," "You can always get away long enough for dinner or a drink with someone or say, 'I'm going to call you in two weeks after this project is done.' It's a matter of priorities." So if your date isn't trying to pencil you in, it could be time to write that person off.
5. Line: "So, gotten any funny emails on Match.com lately?" What it means: "Are you interested in seeing each other exclusively?"
Let's face it, it's intimidating to ask: "So are you seeing anyone else?" And with online dating, there's a sneakier way to put out feelers: By asking a question that reveals whether someone's been checking his or her Match.com account for new suitors. "In online dating, you can receive flirtatious emails 24/7, so leaving your profile up sends a message that you're still open to other prospects," So if your date's asking anything about your online activities, it's probably a sign he or she might pop the "So... do you want to see each other exclusively?" question soon.
6. Line: "So, want to meet for coffee?"What it means: "Want to meet for a coffee and then have dinner if we like each other?"
It's always smart to schedule a short, easy-to-end date when you're first meeting a new person. "Committing to a dinner with someone new can seem like too much for a person who doesn't want to get stuck at a table for hours if things aren't clicking," Still, many online daters will leave the ensuing hours free in case you two hit it off. That doesn't mean you should head to your rendezvous with overly high expectations and an empty stomach. If you're hungry, eat already. If you end up wanting to prolong the fun on your date, you can always suggest going for dessert or a drink.
7. Line: "I'm meeting my friends for a drink—want to come?" What it means: "I really like you and want to know if you get along with my pals."
It may sound like a casual invite, but what your date is saying is that he or she is totally comfortable being seen with you as a couple—and is interested in how you'll relate to his or her closest comrades. "Meeting the friends is an approval thing," "Women want to see how he treats their friends, and men want to know if his friends like the girl." It may seem intimidating, but it should actually boost your ego: You've passed the first tests and are now on your way to becoming a full-time boyfriend or girlfriend—provided the buddies sign off. If you're feeling just as positive about the relationship, say "Yes," and charm away.
8. Line: "Why don't you come over and I'll cook for you?" What it means: "Ready to get physical?"
Cooking for a person is a show of intimacy in a couple of ways. "The person is really inviting you into his or her life," "Someone's apartment is their whole world, so they're obviously very comfortable with you." Then, of course, there's the fact that you'll conveniently be just a few steps from the couch—and the bedroom —later that night. If it's a first or early date, this might actually be a bit too personal, especially if you're not sure how you feel about your future together. But if you're pretty sure you're ready to explore things further, congratulations, tonight could be the night!
As I sat w/an ice-pack smooshed against my perfectly swollen face...I couldtn help but wonder...How can you suss out what someone's really trying to say? I mean How can you one really know if if he is ACTUALLY wanting to see you for another date? how can yooooooou tell him that you dont EVER want to see him again without hurting him?
Should you just tell him the honest and brutal truth? Should you lie to him and take the "high road?" or Should you ignore his calls and dodge him tell he gets the point?
Why are we always SHOULDING all over ourselves?
To help you out, I've got a bevy of eight decoded eight common lines so you'll spend less time scratching your head and more time communicating.
1. Line: "I'd love to stay out, but I have to get up really early tomorrow." What it means: "Sorry, you just aren't floating my boat."
Of course, if it's 2 a.m. or your date follows up with, "But let's get together soon—maybe this weekend?" the fact that he or she want to end the date is no big deal. But if the night is young or your date mentions an aversion to staying out late in the middle of, say, appetizers, that's not a good sign. Your date may sense there's no connection and want to exit sooner rather than later.
2. Line: "I had such a good time with you." What it means: "Wow, you're actually fun and different from all the other guys/girls!"
This sentence might sound generic, but try saying it out loud: It sounds far more intense than a mere "I had a nice night," doesn't it? "This is a way of revealing how you feel without getting too heavy."
The person is letting you know that he or she really might like you, and trying to find out if you possibly feel the same." So if the interest is mutual, let your date know by responding in kind.
3. Line: "I'm just not ready for a relationship." What it means: "I'm just not in love with you."
It's hard when someone you like tells you he or she's not in a place to seriously date anyone. But it also makes you hope that the problem is timing, not your personalities. If you can just be patient, you think, things could percolate, right? Wrong. "This means 'I don't love you, so if that's what you want, we should break up,'" Don't be fooled—when this person does meet someone who has that spark, he or she will indeed be ready for a relationship.
4. Line: "I'd love to meet up, but I'm just really busy with work right now." What it means: "I'm trying to think of a really nice way to blow you off."
Of course, this person could very well have a full schedule that week. But if he or she doesn't offer any alternative dates to hang out, what you're really being told is that this person would rather work than hang out with you. (Sorry.) "Your date very well could be busy. The question is whether your date's focusing on the problem or finding a solution," "You can always get away long enough for dinner or a drink with someone or say, 'I'm going to call you in two weeks after this project is done.' It's a matter of priorities." So if your date isn't trying to pencil you in, it could be time to write that person off.
5. Line: "So, gotten any funny emails on Match.com lately?" What it means: "Are you interested in seeing each other exclusively?"
Let's face it, it's intimidating to ask: "So are you seeing anyone else?" And with online dating, there's a sneakier way to put out feelers: By asking a question that reveals whether someone's been checking his or her Match.com account for new suitors. "In online dating, you can receive flirtatious emails 24/7, so leaving your profile up sends a message that you're still open to other prospects," So if your date's asking anything about your online activities, it's probably a sign he or she might pop the "So... do you want to see each other exclusively?" question soon.
6. Line: "So, want to meet for coffee?"What it means: "Want to meet for a coffee and then have dinner if we like each other?"
It's always smart to schedule a short, easy-to-end date when you're first meeting a new person. "Committing to a dinner with someone new can seem like too much for a person who doesn't want to get stuck at a table for hours if things aren't clicking," Still, many online daters will leave the ensuing hours free in case you two hit it off. That doesn't mean you should head to your rendezvous with overly high expectations and an empty stomach. If you're hungry, eat already. If you end up wanting to prolong the fun on your date, you can always suggest going for dessert or a drink.
7. Line: "I'm meeting my friends for a drink—want to come?" What it means: "I really like you and want to know if you get along with my pals."
It may sound like a casual invite, but what your date is saying is that he or she is totally comfortable being seen with you as a couple—and is interested in how you'll relate to his or her closest comrades. "Meeting the friends is an approval thing," "Women want to see how he treats their friends, and men want to know if his friends like the girl." It may seem intimidating, but it should actually boost your ego: You've passed the first tests and are now on your way to becoming a full-time boyfriend or girlfriend—provided the buddies sign off. If you're feeling just as positive about the relationship, say "Yes," and charm away.
8. Line: "Why don't you come over and I'll cook for you?" What it means: "Ready to get physical?"
Cooking for a person is a show of intimacy in a couple of ways. "The person is really inviting you into his or her life," "Someone's apartment is their whole world, so they're obviously very comfortable with you." Then, of course, there's the fact that you'll conveniently be just a few steps from the couch—and the bedroom —later that night. If it's a first or early date, this might actually be a bit too personal, especially if you're not sure how you feel about your future together. But if you're pretty sure you're ready to explore things further, congratulations, tonight could be the night!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Marsha And Chauncee
This is the story of Marsha and Chauncee.
Setting: Millennium Park, Lucky, his sweetie, and Myself (Carrie) were there for an outdoor opera concert on a gorgeous Saturday evening. As we were getting settled I noticed a photographer whom we shall call Chauncee. He was standing up with his camera around his neck, and he bent over and asked us what time the concert will start.
Right in front of us was a bushy haired girl whom we shall call Marsha. She was laying down in her flowy skirt which made her ass look way too big and was reading a book on her black and white striped blanket.
Little Did I know that later on that evening Marsha and Chauncee were going to get up close and personal.
Wellllllll, so the concert started and Luckys Sweetie brought loads of edibles from whole foods and world marche. There was flat garlic bread, champagne grapes, regular green grapes, English fruit balls, grape juice, rice salad and much more.
So I turned around and Marsha was talking to this photographer, Chauncee. She was looking up and squinting her eyes as the glistening sun was scorching her striking green eyes. Chauncee moved over so the sun wouldn’t be a barrier among the future love-birds. Though he could not block out the entire sun due to his tiny frame. Well, at least one of the ensembles has to be the tiny one or else two fatties just aren’t attractive!
So aaaaaaaaaaaaaannywaaaaaaaaaay, As marsha and chauncee were talking talking talking, (which BTW, seemed like they may as well have been making love from the twinkles both their eyes were shooting out towards one another, and it seemed like giant sunflowers were pouring out of their mouth instead of their words) I turned around for a second to get rice salad and the next second he sat down on the blanket next to Marsha.
Just like that BAM!……….wow, said my mind!
As the night progressed I kept close watch towards that twosome and I kept whispering to Lucky and his sweetie about how they great it would if they ended up together, WHILST the opera concert was going on and im sure I was disturbing sweetie since he is totally into the whole opera scene. Though I DID manage to shut up when Bryan (my future beau) sang “Romeo et Julliette.”
Marsha was sitting down with her hands behind her foot touching her knee and her flowy skirt almost all the way up so one could see her knees and her bushy hair was being blown by the wind so as to make it look sexy. I got a look at her toes at one point and even though they were polished red they were NOT at all sexy. Despite all this she still seemed attractive and attention grabbing to Chauncee.
Marsha was gazing into their possible future and as Chauncee gazed at her from side glance with that same twinkle that they had. He gazed at her shaved and smooth legs, her hair, and maybe even her breasts which BTW was one thing that she had to her advantage…They had to have been atleast a C cup.
The twosome kept moving closer closer and even more closer with their elbows ALMOST brushing that they may as well have been and kept whispering into one another’s ears pretending that the opera was too loud and that they couldn’t hear each other from normal distance. Of course it was just normal all such as about work and all from what little I heard….
By the end of the night they looked like they were a couple…they were laughing gleefully and smiling as if they were really into each other. It was one of those first great unplanned and spontaneous dates! (GOSH, I haven’t had one of those in a WHILE).,…wow….
Well, in due time the end of the night came and as we packed Marsha and Chauncee were still deep in conversation
This is what I thought they might be saying and what might have been in their minds
Marsha: talking about work, and her daily routine WHILST..
Chauncee: might be thinking (MAN, those knockers are HUGE) ok, STOP IT Chauncee, U have got to LISTEN!
And then, Chauncee might be talking about his fav sport team WHILST
Marsha might be thinking: omg, so if we were to have kids I wonder who they would resemble, where would we get married, ok I am NOT settling for a measly ring, and omg, china patterns, wedding dress, soccer mom, pregnancy weight, personal trainer, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (ok, BRAIN OVERLOAD)
Welllllllllllll, I guess we shall NEVER know what happened to Marsha and Chauncee that night BUT we DO know what happened when…..
EPILOGUE: 20 years later and it was our 15th anniversary, I still felt that I was of 25 again when I proposed to Marsha that night of the opera, and we got hitched a few years later in Hawaii at sunset….
Lucky, and Carrie (our two children) were going to be here any moment now to get our surprise anniversary party started…I loved her even more then I did when we first fell in love if at all possible. Her skin was still tender and fresh and it felt the exact same way as we did the first night we made love and rolled around in the heat of passion and Nine months later/..BAM! Lucky was born followed by Carrie three years later.
Carrie looked just like her mother….only taller and her hair was straight like mine with her mothers striking green eyes. Lucky was slightly shorter with straight hair as well, though she had my brown eyes. She recently had come out to be a lesbian and her mother and I accepted her like any parent would a straight child.
I was so lost in thoughts of yester year when I felt someone brush up against me after I heard the door open and in came Marsha. She felt so wonderful against my shirtless chest….We gave each other the “look” and remembered our first night as a married couple…
We both had begun to undress each other and I turned Marsha and hugged her from the back as she felt my thick erection on the small of her back and her back glistened with my precum…She moaned and groaned a bit as I bit her bottom lip and kissed her neck…She then kneeled down to grab and consume my engorged anatomy, and slid her mouth to and fro with her tongue moving around..
I blew softly in her ear, and nibbled, and kissed her neck again which drove her crazy. Then, I cupped her bum and picked her as we kissed and she wrapped her legs around my back. Then, I grazed and slowly felt her breasts and teased her whilst touching her nipples. I then slowly slid my hands inside her womanhood and as she quivered not knowing where my next touch would be…
Soon after we made sweet love and 2 mins later I collapsed onto her as my breathe got hotter and faster in her ear and we both climaxed….
Just as the two of us were recalling these this passionate night we heard scurrying downstairs and Marsha looked at me with a question mark on her face…I got dressed and took Marsha by the hand down the stairs with her eyes covered…
There they were…my other halves…Carrie and Lucky both along with their other halves as well. Carrie was dating Big (an investman banker from New York) andThere was my sweet sweet Lucky along with her Girlfriend (A lawyer who recently had graduated from Harvard)
Carrie was also supporting a tiny bump..Carrie and Big were expecting their first child. And though it was out of wedlock Marsha and I couldn’t have been happier to have been getting our first grand-child
They all yelled SUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRPRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE, as I took my hand off Marshas lovely eyes….She looked happier than words could describe..and of course soon enough the girls went into a frenzy of happy tears…
I looked on as everyone ate, ate, ate, and chatted and I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect ending to our love story..
WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP….It was Millennium Park (and Bryan Griffin had just ended Romeo et Julliette) and Marsha was waking me up and saying that I fell asleep during the song….
\
THIS WAS THE STORY OF MARSHA AND CHAUNCEE!
Setting: Millennium Park, Lucky, his sweetie, and Myself (Carrie) were there for an outdoor opera concert on a gorgeous Saturday evening. As we were getting settled I noticed a photographer whom we shall call Chauncee. He was standing up with his camera around his neck, and he bent over and asked us what time the concert will start.
Right in front of us was a bushy haired girl whom we shall call Marsha. She was laying down in her flowy skirt which made her ass look way too big and was reading a book on her black and white striped blanket.
Little Did I know that later on that evening Marsha and Chauncee were going to get up close and personal.
Wellllllll, so the concert started and Luckys Sweetie brought loads of edibles from whole foods and world marche. There was flat garlic bread, champagne grapes, regular green grapes, English fruit balls, grape juice, rice salad and much more.
So I turned around and Marsha was talking to this photographer, Chauncee. She was looking up and squinting her eyes as the glistening sun was scorching her striking green eyes. Chauncee moved over so the sun wouldn’t be a barrier among the future love-birds. Though he could not block out the entire sun due to his tiny frame. Well, at least one of the ensembles has to be the tiny one or else two fatties just aren’t attractive!
So aaaaaaaaaaaaaannywaaaaaaaaaay, As marsha and chauncee were talking talking talking, (which BTW, seemed like they may as well have been making love from the twinkles both their eyes were shooting out towards one another, and it seemed like giant sunflowers were pouring out of their mouth instead of their words) I turned around for a second to get rice salad and the next second he sat down on the blanket next to Marsha.
Just like that BAM!……….wow, said my mind!
As the night progressed I kept close watch towards that twosome and I kept whispering to Lucky and his sweetie about how they great it would if they ended up together, WHILST the opera concert was going on and im sure I was disturbing sweetie since he is totally into the whole opera scene. Though I DID manage to shut up when Bryan (my future beau) sang “Romeo et Julliette.”
Marsha was sitting down with her hands behind her foot touching her knee and her flowy skirt almost all the way up so one could see her knees and her bushy hair was being blown by the wind so as to make it look sexy. I got a look at her toes at one point and even though they were polished red they were NOT at all sexy. Despite all this she still seemed attractive and attention grabbing to Chauncee.
Marsha was gazing into their possible future and as Chauncee gazed at her from side glance with that same twinkle that they had. He gazed at her shaved and smooth legs, her hair, and maybe even her breasts which BTW was one thing that she had to her advantage…They had to have been atleast a C cup.
The twosome kept moving closer closer and even more closer with their elbows ALMOST brushing that they may as well have been and kept whispering into one another’s ears pretending that the opera was too loud and that they couldn’t hear each other from normal distance. Of course it was just normal all such as about work and all from what little I heard….
By the end of the night they looked like they were a couple…they were laughing gleefully and smiling as if they were really into each other. It was one of those first great unplanned and spontaneous dates! (GOSH, I haven’t had one of those in a WHILE).,…wow….
Well, in due time the end of the night came and as we packed Marsha and Chauncee were still deep in conversation
This is what I thought they might be saying and what might have been in their minds
Marsha: talking about work, and her daily routine WHILST..
Chauncee: might be thinking (MAN, those knockers are HUGE) ok, STOP IT Chauncee, U have got to LISTEN!
And then, Chauncee might be talking about his fav sport team WHILST
Marsha might be thinking: omg, so if we were to have kids I wonder who they would resemble, where would we get married, ok I am NOT settling for a measly ring, and omg, china patterns, wedding dress, soccer mom, pregnancy weight, personal trainer, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (ok, BRAIN OVERLOAD)
Welllllllllllll, I guess we shall NEVER know what happened to Marsha and Chauncee that night BUT we DO know what happened when…..
EPILOGUE: 20 years later and it was our 15th anniversary, I still felt that I was of 25 again when I proposed to Marsha that night of the opera, and we got hitched a few years later in Hawaii at sunset….
Lucky, and Carrie (our two children) were going to be here any moment now to get our surprise anniversary party started…I loved her even more then I did when we first fell in love if at all possible. Her skin was still tender and fresh and it felt the exact same way as we did the first night we made love and rolled around in the heat of passion and Nine months later/..BAM! Lucky was born followed by Carrie three years later.
Carrie looked just like her mother….only taller and her hair was straight like mine with her mothers striking green eyes. Lucky was slightly shorter with straight hair as well, though she had my brown eyes. She recently had come out to be a lesbian and her mother and I accepted her like any parent would a straight child.
I was so lost in thoughts of yester year when I felt someone brush up against me after I heard the door open and in came Marsha. She felt so wonderful against my shirtless chest….We gave each other the “look” and remembered our first night as a married couple…
We both had begun to undress each other and I turned Marsha and hugged her from the back as she felt my thick erection on the small of her back and her back glistened with my precum…She moaned and groaned a bit as I bit her bottom lip and kissed her neck…She then kneeled down to grab and consume my engorged anatomy, and slid her mouth to and fro with her tongue moving around..
I blew softly in her ear, and nibbled, and kissed her neck again which drove her crazy. Then, I cupped her bum and picked her as we kissed and she wrapped her legs around my back. Then, I grazed and slowly felt her breasts and teased her whilst touching her nipples. I then slowly slid my hands inside her womanhood and as she quivered not knowing where my next touch would be…
Soon after we made sweet love and 2 mins later I collapsed onto her as my breathe got hotter and faster in her ear and we both climaxed….
Just as the two of us were recalling these this passionate night we heard scurrying downstairs and Marsha looked at me with a question mark on her face…I got dressed and took Marsha by the hand down the stairs with her eyes covered…
There they were…my other halves…Carrie and Lucky both along with their other halves as well. Carrie was dating Big (an investman banker from New York) andThere was my sweet sweet Lucky along with her Girlfriend (A lawyer who recently had graduated from Harvard)
Carrie was also supporting a tiny bump..Carrie and Big were expecting their first child. And though it was out of wedlock Marsha and I couldn’t have been happier to have been getting our first grand-child
They all yelled SUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRPRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE, as I took my hand off Marshas lovely eyes….She looked happier than words could describe..and of course soon enough the girls went into a frenzy of happy tears…
I looked on as everyone ate, ate, ate, and chatted and I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect ending to our love story..
WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP….It was Millennium Park (and Bryan Griffin had just ended Romeo et Julliette) and Marsha was waking me up and saying that I fell asleep during the song….
\
THIS WAS THE STORY OF MARSHA AND CHAUNCEE!
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Zaa Zaa Zu
As I sat in the the crew room at work in the hot hot hot humid humid humid ATL! I couldn't help but recall my dream from a few nights ago...
The memories were slipping away from my hand like water in a cupped hand the morning after I woke up the next morning.
However, today as I sit here eating BnJs (mango sorbet) in my Tres Chic Uniform feeling Uber perky, I couldn't help but recollect those moments of fear, excitement, resentment, and indescribable feelings...It was as if the memory was going to vomit out of the most inner layer of the brain, down my nose, into my mouth, down my digestive system and out my brown bubble bum! (NO, I am not talking about that diarrhea feeling...AAAALLTHOUGH...OK, WELL NAAAAAH) so aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.....
Flashback to Monday night:
Lucky and myself were shopping for outfits at H&m and I was trying on these sexy sexy shorts and I asked him if my BUM looked big in it, when Lucky stated "Huunnnaaayessssss I think my ass hurts from all that fucking my sweetie and I did last nite..."
I was laughing my ass off and turned around to face him WHEN.......
there he was my emotional knapsack.....
12 years later and still looked like he hadn't aged a bit....he was BIG along with Natasha...and there I was 12 years later..looking fabulous of course but absolutely flabbergasted and petrified to see him...gosh...
He bobbed his head to the right and said "Hello you" and I nodded and said "hello, you" in return...
Lucky upon sensing the obvious awkwardness even after 12 years blurted out something to BIG about not expecting him and Natasha here today when all the voices in the surrounding area had been blocked out of head and I found myself being picked up by Lucky asking if I was feeling alright..
Apparently, I had fainted and fell to the ground for about a few seconds.....I woke up remembering seeing BIG..
Gosh, was I dreaming? Had I forgotten and totally blocked out BIG and it alll came tumbling down that hill that had been forbidden like a forest with trolls...
Surely I had NOT been dreaming..He was still there squatting over me as Natasha looked on. I excused myself and said that it was nice to see them both and started to motion Lucky out of the store when BIG blurted out: Wer getting engaged Carrie, and wed love it if you came.....WOW, apparently now he had become a "WE" guy....Natasha really WAS calling all the shots then....I never remembered BIG being a "WE" guy before...
I couldn't say anything but nodded and we (Lucky and myself) left the dept store.
Later on that day after my lunch with Lucky at Big BOWOL (I had teryaki pineapple glazed shrimp fried rice, and Lucky as always got TWO entrees pork and duck) gotta lova em! lol
anyway, so later that day I began to think about zaa zaa zu, and our past. And how if we block out certain blasts from the pasts (for a lack of better words) do we really get over them? Do we rrrrreally forget them? do we ever want to? or do we just choose to block them out until it comes screaming back to you? whether in a shape of a dream, actual human being, or just thoughts..
Later on that week I went back to H&M to pick my shorts up and later on meet Lucky and sweetie for a midnite coffee. I walked out of H&M and was prancing around Michigan ave when I turned a corner and bumped into a warm steel wall....only to look up and see that it was BIG. Out for his business lunch apparently as he was dashing and smashing in his $500 Dolce and Gab suit....He smiled and said hello...THIS time I wasnt going to let my emotions come over my head and ruin me and make me look like a pathetic mess!
Anyway, so I said hello back and he said "ohh It just ended".....the question mark on my face must have been obvious because he said "the engagement party..." I regained my sense and said "OHH, I was just in the neighborhood to pick this up" pointing to my bag..A Limo stretch puled up and Natasha pulled down her shades and waved...I wasnt sure if that wave was gesturing BIG to come on over or if that wave was to say hello to me...Either way I smiled politely and touched BIGs cheek and said "BIG< your girl is lovely.."
He said "BIG? I dont get it"....
I said "And ya never DID......"
Just then I felt my inner BIG fly out of me and I turned around and pranced back on the MAG MILE strutting away in my Christian Louboutin....
The memories were slipping away from my hand like water in a cupped hand the morning after I woke up the next morning.
However, today as I sit here eating BnJs (mango sorbet) in my Tres Chic Uniform feeling Uber perky, I couldn't help but recollect those moments of fear, excitement, resentment, and indescribable feelings...It was as if the memory was going to vomit out of the most inner layer of the brain, down my nose, into my mouth, down my digestive system and out my brown bubble bum! (NO, I am not talking about that diarrhea feeling...AAAALLTHOUGH...OK, WELL NAAAAAH) so aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.....
Flashback to Monday night:
Lucky and myself were shopping for outfits at H&m and I was trying on these sexy sexy shorts and I asked him if my BUM looked big in it, when Lucky stated "Huunnnaaayessssss I think my ass hurts from all that fucking my sweetie and I did last nite..."
I was laughing my ass off and turned around to face him WHEN.......
there he was my emotional knapsack.....
12 years later and still looked like he hadn't aged a bit....he was BIG along with Natasha...and there I was 12 years later..looking fabulous of course but absolutely flabbergasted and petrified to see him...gosh...
He bobbed his head to the right and said "Hello you" and I nodded and said "hello, you" in return...
Lucky upon sensing the obvious awkwardness even after 12 years blurted out something to BIG about not expecting him and Natasha here today when all the voices in the surrounding area had been blocked out of head and I found myself being picked up by Lucky asking if I was feeling alright..
Apparently, I had fainted and fell to the ground for about a few seconds.....I woke up remembering seeing BIG..
Gosh, was I dreaming? Had I forgotten and totally blocked out BIG and it alll came tumbling down that hill that had been forbidden like a forest with trolls...
Surely I had NOT been dreaming..He was still there squatting over me as Natasha looked on. I excused myself and said that it was nice to see them both and started to motion Lucky out of the store when BIG blurted out: Wer getting engaged Carrie, and wed love it if you came.....WOW, apparently now he had become a "WE" guy....Natasha really WAS calling all the shots then....I never remembered BIG being a "WE" guy before...
I couldn't say anything but nodded and we (Lucky and myself) left the dept store.
Later on that day after my lunch with Lucky at Big BOWOL (I had teryaki pineapple glazed shrimp fried rice, and Lucky as always got TWO entrees pork and duck) gotta lova em! lol
anyway, so later that day I began to think about zaa zaa zu, and our past. And how if we block out certain blasts from the pasts (for a lack of better words) do we really get over them? Do we rrrrreally forget them? do we ever want to? or do we just choose to block them out until it comes screaming back to you? whether in a shape of a dream, actual human being, or just thoughts..
Later on that week I went back to H&M to pick my shorts up and later on meet Lucky and sweetie for a midnite coffee. I walked out of H&M and was prancing around Michigan ave when I turned a corner and bumped into a warm steel wall....only to look up and see that it was BIG. Out for his business lunch apparently as he was dashing and smashing in his $500 Dolce and Gab suit....He smiled and said hello...THIS time I wasnt going to let my emotions come over my head and ruin me and make me look like a pathetic mess!
Anyway, so I said hello back and he said "ohh It just ended".....the question mark on my face must have been obvious because he said "the engagement party..." I regained my sense and said "OHH, I was just in the neighborhood to pick this up" pointing to my bag..A Limo stretch puled up and Natasha pulled down her shades and waved...I wasnt sure if that wave was gesturing BIG to come on over or if that wave was to say hello to me...Either way I smiled politely and touched BIGs cheek and said "BIG< your girl is lovely.."
He said "BIG? I dont get it"....
I said "And ya never DID......"
Just then I felt my inner BIG fly out of me and I turned around and pranced back on the MAG MILE strutting away in my Christian Louboutin....
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
You Know Youre a Cabin Crew When....
YOU KNOW YOU'RE CABIN CREW IF...
1. You can eat a 4 course meal standing at the kitchen counter
2. You search for a button to flush the toilet
3. You look for the "crew line" at Wal-Mart
4. You can pack for a 2 week trip in 1 roll-aboard
5. All of your pens have different hotel names on them
6. You NEVER unpack
7. You can recognize pilots by the backs of their heads-but not by their faces
8. You can tell from 70 yards away if a piece of luggage will fit in the overhead bin
9. You care about the local news in a city three states away
10. You can tie a neck scarf 36 ways
11. You know at least 25 uses for air sickness bags-none of which pertain to vomit
12. You understand and actually use the 24-hour clock
13. You own 2 sets of uniforms: fat and thin
14. You don't think in "months"-you think in "bid packs"
15. You always point with two fingers
16. You get a little too excited by certain types of ice
17. You stand at the front door and politely say "Buh-bye, thanks, have a nice day" when someone leaves your home
18. You can make a sentence using all of the following phrases: "At this time, " "For your safety, " "Feel free, " and "As a reminder"
19. You know what's on the cover of the current issues of Ok, Heat, and Hello, Star and People magazines
20. You stop and inspect every fire extinguisher you pass, just to make sure the "gauge is in the green" He He He
21. Your thighs are covered in bruises from armrests and elbows
22. You wake up and have to look at the hotel stationery to figure out where you are
23. You refer to cities by their airport codes
24. Every time the doorbell rings you look at the ceiling.
25. You actually understand every item on this list
FEEL FREE TO ADD TO THIS LIST GUYS..
p.s ok this is what I do while sitting in the crew room on RESERVE waiting to get a frreakin assignment! :,-(
1. You can eat a 4 course meal standing at the kitchen counter
2. You search for a button to flush the toilet
3. You look for the "crew line" at Wal-Mart
4. You can pack for a 2 week trip in 1 roll-aboard
5. All of your pens have different hotel names on them
6. You NEVER unpack
7. You can recognize pilots by the backs of their heads-but not by their faces
8. You can tell from 70 yards away if a piece of luggage will fit in the overhead bin
9. You care about the local news in a city three states away
10. You can tie a neck scarf 36 ways
11. You know at least 25 uses for air sickness bags-none of which pertain to vomit
12. You understand and actually use the 24-hour clock
13. You own 2 sets of uniforms: fat and thin
14. You don't think in "months"-you think in "bid packs"
15. You always point with two fingers
16. You get a little too excited by certain types of ice
17. You stand at the front door and politely say "Buh-bye, thanks, have a nice day" when someone leaves your home
18. You can make a sentence using all of the following phrases: "At this time, " "For your safety, " "Feel free, " and "As a reminder"
19. You know what's on the cover of the current issues of Ok, Heat, and Hello, Star and People magazines
20. You stop and inspect every fire extinguisher you pass, just to make sure the "gauge is in the green" He He He
21. Your thighs are covered in bruises from armrests and elbows
22. You wake up and have to look at the hotel stationery to figure out where you are
23. You refer to cities by their airport codes
24. Every time the doorbell rings you look at the ceiling.
25. You actually understand every item on this list
FEEL FREE TO ADD TO THIS LIST GUYS..
p.s ok this is what I do while sitting in the crew room on RESERVE waiting to get a frreakin assignment! :,-(
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Carrie and Big
As I sat here in my heart shaped boxer briefs and tee, sipping my cosmopolitan, I couldnt help but wonder:
"Have you ever felt used by a selfish "BIG?"
I am sure there are many of you out there who have been the "CARRIE" and felt used by your "BIG."
This is a story of 3 male friends who lived in the windy city. We will call them Lucky, BocaJ, and Carrie.
FLASHBACK: Last Summer Carrie ands Bocaj met on a fine evening online. They instantly hit it off and decided to go on a date. Carrie being the ultimate fashionista she is went all out on picking out the right outfit and shoes for the date and was really excited to meet Bocaj aka her soon to be "BIG."
Carrie and BIG dated or SEMI-dated rather for perhaps about a 2 weeks or so. BIG was sorrta unavalaible and didnt respond to texts very well and neither did he call much. Carrie decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, and began to like big more and more.
Then one day Carrie brought the subject of commitment and BIG freaked out and said that he didnt want a commited relationship at the moment so Carrie and BIG decided to be friends....
They didnt see much of each other over the next few months even though Carrie's new flatmate was BIG's best mate. Carrie figured it was because of HER that BIG never came to visit, or rarely EVER came to visit. *shrugs*
AAANNNYWAAAAAAY, then the flatmate whom we will call "SILLY" moved out eventually, and a new flatmate moved in. And ofcourse that new flatmate was..... who I mentioned earlier...Lucky!
As time passed Carrie and Lucky became very very close. They went trough thunderstorms of EVIL boys, and helped and supported each other thru some pretty turbulent times. Thery were inseperable. They would eat FULL FAT butter, and bread, Chips and Achar, tortiiiiiiLAS, and BerAAAni and chatted like school girls till the wee hours of the night before going to bed.
Then, one day, Carrie decided to pursue her dream of joining the airline industry, hence, moving to Atlanta much to both her and Luckys disappointment. Ofcourse they were both happy that Carrie was pursuing her dream but discontent that they were not going to be living in the same Bridgeport Windy City flat anymore.
Carrie decided to visit Chicago as she missed her home greatly. BIG, Lucky and Carrie decided to go the beach. Carrie suddenly felt this urge of attraction and affection towards BIG again. She told Lucky that she was going to make a move on him(BIG)
So after she dropped Lucky off at his flat, she and BIG were in the car all alone as they sat in Carries car outside BIGS flat. They kissed passionately, and it was more amazing than ever before. Carrie felt it in BIGS kiss.
Then BIG said "SO, what does this all mean?"
Carrie told BIG that she knew that he had an issue with her not being in Chicago at the moment. She told him that she was going to be moving back to Chicago pretty soon, and she would always fly him in and out to see her. And she told him that he could think about it.
Time passed, and BIG never uttered and word about the night and it was time for Carrie to come back to Chicago. BIG seemed super distant and Carrie felt it in his kiss. Carrie was crushed crushed crushed and felt as if a she was HOT BRICK being dropped from on top of the sears tower by BIG..she seemed to hit rock bottom...
As always, she turned to her dear dear mate Lucky for some much needed console ans support. Lucky made Carrie feel much better but BIGS selfish behavior just kept coming back to her and she could not get over it.
PRSENT TIME: and to this day Carrie doesnt understand why BIG treated her the way he did and why he didnt come clean from the start, and why he never really responded to texts, emails, calls etc.
BIG IS A SELFISH BASTARD AND CARRIE HOPES HE ROTS IN HELL!
well ok so not really, Carrie isnt that much of a bitch to wish something like that
now youre probably wondering what ever happened to BIG AKA BOCAJ!
wellll, BOCAJ IS SUPER HAPPY with his new love who we will call the tall and beautiful NATASHA who Carrie will never live up to, and will never be able to fill Natashas shoes...
As for Lucky, he is still living his much deserved happy life with his other half who we will call "sweetie."
And as for Carrie, she is just soooooo SICK AND TIRED of talking, breathing, thinking, and dreaming of BIG that she hopes someday she can overcome her affection for him in a healthy manner. As for now, she is enjoying flying her cute bubble butt everywhere and wondering if SHe and BIG will ever have a happy ending or if she were to move to a far distant land like PARIS, if BIG will come after her and whisk her away and win her back for ever...
well, this was the story of CARRIE, LUCKY, AND BIG aka BOCAJ!
"Have you ever felt used by a selfish "BIG?"
I am sure there are many of you out there who have been the "CARRIE" and felt used by your "BIG."
This is a story of 3 male friends who lived in the windy city. We will call them Lucky, BocaJ, and Carrie.
FLASHBACK: Last Summer Carrie ands Bocaj met on a fine evening online. They instantly hit it off and decided to go on a date. Carrie being the ultimate fashionista she is went all out on picking out the right outfit and shoes for the date and was really excited to meet Bocaj aka her soon to be "BIG."
Carrie and BIG dated or SEMI-dated rather for perhaps about a 2 weeks or so. BIG was sorrta unavalaible and didnt respond to texts very well and neither did he call much. Carrie decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, and began to like big more and more.
Then one day Carrie brought the subject of commitment and BIG freaked out and said that he didnt want a commited relationship at the moment so Carrie and BIG decided to be friends....
They didnt see much of each other over the next few months even though Carrie's new flatmate was BIG's best mate. Carrie figured it was because of HER that BIG never came to visit, or rarely EVER came to visit. *shrugs*
AAANNNYWAAAAAAY, then the flatmate whom we will call "SILLY" moved out eventually, and a new flatmate moved in. And ofcourse that new flatmate was..... who I mentioned earlier...Lucky!
As time passed Carrie and Lucky became very very close. They went trough thunderstorms of EVIL boys, and helped and supported each other thru some pretty turbulent times. Thery were inseperable. They would eat FULL FAT butter, and bread, Chips and Achar, tortiiiiiiLAS, and BerAAAni and chatted like school girls till the wee hours of the night before going to bed.
Then, one day, Carrie decided to pursue her dream of joining the airline industry, hence, moving to Atlanta much to both her and Luckys disappointment. Ofcourse they were both happy that Carrie was pursuing her dream but discontent that they were not going to be living in the same Bridgeport Windy City flat anymore.
Carrie decided to visit Chicago as she missed her home greatly. BIG, Lucky and Carrie decided to go the beach. Carrie suddenly felt this urge of attraction and affection towards BIG again. She told Lucky that she was going to make a move on him(BIG)
So after she dropped Lucky off at his flat, she and BIG were in the car all alone as they sat in Carries car outside BIGS flat. They kissed passionately, and it was more amazing than ever before. Carrie felt it in BIGS kiss.
Then BIG said "SO, what does this all mean?"
Carrie told BIG that she knew that he had an issue with her not being in Chicago at the moment. She told him that she was going to be moving back to Chicago pretty soon, and she would always fly him in and out to see her. And she told him that he could think about it.
Time passed, and BIG never uttered and word about the night and it was time for Carrie to come back to Chicago. BIG seemed super distant and Carrie felt it in his kiss. Carrie was crushed crushed crushed and felt as if a she was HOT BRICK being dropped from on top of the sears tower by BIG..she seemed to hit rock bottom...
As always, she turned to her dear dear mate Lucky for some much needed console ans support. Lucky made Carrie feel much better but BIGS selfish behavior just kept coming back to her and she could not get over it.
PRSENT TIME: and to this day Carrie doesnt understand why BIG treated her the way he did and why he didnt come clean from the start, and why he never really responded to texts, emails, calls etc.
BIG IS A SELFISH BASTARD AND CARRIE HOPES HE ROTS IN HELL!
well ok so not really, Carrie isnt that much of a bitch to wish something like that
now youre probably wondering what ever happened to BIG AKA BOCAJ!
wellll, BOCAJ IS SUPER HAPPY with his new love who we will call the tall and beautiful NATASHA who Carrie will never live up to, and will never be able to fill Natashas shoes...
As for Lucky, he is still living his much deserved happy life with his other half who we will call "sweetie."
And as for Carrie, she is just soooooo SICK AND TIRED of talking, breathing, thinking, and dreaming of BIG that she hopes someday she can overcome her affection for him in a healthy manner. As for now, she is enjoying flying her cute bubble butt everywhere and wondering if SHe and BIG will ever have a happy ending or if she were to move to a far distant land like PARIS, if BIG will come after her and whisk her away and win her back for ever...
well, this was the story of CARRIE, LUCKY, AND BIG aka BOCAJ!
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