Zaa Zaa Zu

As I sat in the the crew room at work in the hot hot hot humid humid humid ATL! I couldn't help but recall my dream from a few nights ago...

The memories were slipping away from my hand like water in a cupped hand the morning after I woke up the next morning.

However, today as I sit here eating BnJs (mango sorbet) in my Tres Chic Uniform feeling Uber perky, I couldn't help but recollect those moments of fear, excitement, resentment, and indescribable feelings...It was as if the memory was going to vomit out of the most inner layer of the brain, down my nose, into my mouth, down my digestive system and out my brown bubble bum! (NO, I am not talking about that diarrhea feeling...AAAALLTHOUGH...OK, WELL NAAAAAH) so aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.....

Flashback to Monday night:

Lucky and myself were shopping for outfits at H&m and I was trying on these sexy sexy shorts and I asked him if my BUM looked big in it, when Lucky stated "Huunnnaaayessssss I think my ass hurts from all that fucking my sweetie and I did last nite..."

I was laughing my ass off and turned around to face him WHEN.......

there he was my emotional knapsack.....
12 years later and still looked like he hadn't aged a bit....he was BIG along with Natasha...and there I was 12 years later..looking fabulous of course but absolutely flabbergasted and petrified to see him...gosh...

He bobbed his head to the right and said "Hello you" and I nodded and said "hello, you" in return...

Lucky upon sensing the obvious awkwardness even after 12 years blurted out something to BIG about not expecting him and Natasha here today when all the voices in the surrounding area had been blocked out of head and I found myself being picked up by Lucky asking if I was feeling alright..

Apparently, I had fainted and fell to the ground for about a few seconds.....I woke up remembering seeing BIG..
Gosh, was I dreaming? Had I forgotten and totally blocked out BIG and it alll came tumbling down that hill that had been forbidden like a forest with trolls...

Surely I had NOT been dreaming..He was still there squatting over me as Natasha looked on. I excused myself and said that it was nice to see them both and started to motion Lucky out of the store when BIG blurted out: Wer getting engaged Carrie, and wed love it if you came.....WOW, apparently now he had become a "WE" guy....Natasha really WAS calling all the shots then....I never remembered BIG being a "WE" guy before...

I couldn't say anything but nodded and we (Lucky and myself) left the dept store.

Later on that day after my lunch with Lucky at Big BOWOL (I had teryaki pineapple glazed shrimp fried rice, and Lucky as always got TWO entrees pork and duck) gotta lova em! lol

anyway, so later that day I began to think about zaa zaa zu, and our past. And how if we block out certain blasts from the pasts (for a lack of better words) do we really get over them? Do we rrrrreally forget them? do we ever want to? or do we just choose to block them out until it comes screaming back to you? whether in a shape of a dream, actual human being, or just thoughts..

Later on that week I went back to H&M to pick my shorts up and later on meet Lucky and sweetie for a midnite coffee. I walked out of H&M and was prancing around Michigan ave when I turned a corner and bumped into a warm steel wall....only to look up and see that it was BIG. Out for his business lunch apparently as he was dashing and smashing in his $500 Dolce and Gab suit....He smiled and said hello...THIS time I wasnt going to let my emotions come over my head and ruin me and make me look like a pathetic mess!

Anyway, so I said hello back and he said "ohh It just ended".....the question mark on my face must have been obvious because he said "the engagement party..." I regained my sense and said "OHH, I was just in the neighborhood to pick this up" pointing to my bag..A Limo stretch puled up and Natasha pulled down her shades and waved...I wasnt sure if that wave was gesturing BIG to come on over or if that wave was to say hello to me...Either way I smiled politely and touched BIGs cheek and said "BIG< your girl is lovely.."

He said "BIG? I dont get it"....

I said "And ya never DID......"


Just then I felt my inner BIG fly out of me and I turned around and pranced back on the MAG MILE strutting away in my Christian Louboutin....